Saying no is one of my highest forms of self-care.
As an introvert.
As an early-to-bed, early-to-rise gal.
As someone whose interests skew toward the solitary: yoga, writing, meditation, knitting, cooking…
As a highly sensitive person who needs time to integrate.
It’s not that I don’t have a social life. It’s just that I’m very choosy about the projects I take on. I’m picky about what I commit to, so that I can actually follow through. (Because remember, flaking out is not self-care!)
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Say no because…
I want to do what I say I’ll do.
This is number one. If I say I’ll be there, you can count on me. If I say I’ll do something, it gets done. If I make a commitment, I will follow through.
I do what I say I’m going to do. And that act, in and of itself, is a gift to me. It makes me proud of myself, and I know that, long-term, I’ll thank myself for it.
I want a life that isn’t overwhelming so that I can remember to do what I say I’ll do, actually do it, and then have something left over for me at the end of the day. I want a life that feels full of the things I actually want to do.
I also want the space to do what I say I’ll do well.
I don’t want to half-ass it while multi-tasking. I want the time and energy to actually focus on doing my best.
It’s why I created Sacred Focus.
I wanted to peel back the curtain and show you exactly how I went from overwhelmed and frazzled to the holder of a life that is infused with the everyday sacred and a deep self-care (and self-love!) practice.
This is nurturing, this is gritty, this is expansive.
But I don’t just want to do my work well…
I want the breathing room to experience the sacred everyday, too.
I want the flexibility to take an extra long shower, or stop and chat with friends on the street. I want the freedom to go to the beach if it’s sunny – and not feel horribly rushed. I want to stop and actually smell the roses that are blooming their hearts out in my neighborhood right now.
I want the part of being human that requires me to be fully present, not wondering what isn’t getting done or what I have to rush to next.
No rushing. No multi-tasking. No missing out on my own breath. Or the roses.
So I say no.
I say no a lot.
Because that’s what I need to do to create a life that I not only love, but that loves me back. This kind of self-knowledge, combined with a commitment to de-overwhelming my life is part of how I love myself.
And it’s definitely the way that my self-care practice can really happen.
Because I have the space and time to do not just what I need to do, but what I want to do. I have the expansiveness to let my imagination run wild. I have the calm to be able to hear my intuition.
This is what helps keep me closer to my own heart – honoring those flashes of inner wisdom, being present for my own life.
Giving myself the chance to do well is also love.
It honors me and my grace. It keeps me in a space where I can succeed without causing myself pain. And frankly, doing things well and whole-heartedly?
That makes me proud.
It’s also an act of love for the people in my life.
That way, when I say yes, they know I mean it.
When I reach out, they know it’s because I’m truly looking to connect.
I don’t do anything out of obligation, so when I say yes, it’s a HELL YES. Which makes people feel good. Saying yes and meaning it is an act of love.
The same way that…
Saying no is an act of love.
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